I have to admit, I’d never heard of a “separate self” until about eight years ago. I’d been comfortably unaware of the whole awakening conversation, and I’d never questioned who I was.
If you’d asked me, the answer would have been a simple “me”, without the need to justify or compare.
But, I sat in on a few workshops, listened carefully to what was being taught, and somehow I came away with this impression that there was an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. That I had to work really hard to know when the “true self” was offering me wisdom, and when the “separate self” was leading me astray. Which, it has to be said, was pretty confusing. It looked like I had to examine every thought to work out if it were good or bad.
I couldn’t understand why knowing about this separate self was a relief to anyone.
I am stubborn to the point of pig-headedness. I refuse to accept things until I’ve dismantled and rebuilt them for myself: I’m the kid who’d touch the hot stove three times, to find out exactly how much it would burn.
As I went deeper into what was being said, and what it really meant, I discovered something for myself that I hadn’t heard said before…It was only then, of course, I found a flurry of nondual teachers speaking to the same themes.
The separate self doesn’t exist.
There was no insatiable monster to feed.
Its appearance was nothing more than a misunderstood reflection of my current experience: all the thoughts, emotions, sensations and perceptions.
The sense I’d been carrying that I don’t ‘get it’ because I’m still experiencing a body and a personal perceptive? That vanished back into dust, like a mini vampire brought into the light.
Once again, I was simply “me”. But with a whole new level of understanding and articulation of what that meant.
